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5 Reasons You Keep Pushing People Away

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Nothing hurts more than being pushed away by someone you thought you were developing something with. The person could be a partner or a friend.

They could start shortening conversations, not paying attention to you or what you say, making sure that there is emotional distance between you two, and trying not to spend time with you, among others.

These signs could make you wonder what is wrong and why they are pushing you away, but they often don’t have answers to your questions.

If you are not the one on the receiving end, you could be the one pushing someone away. You find yourself shutting down and needing to escape the closeness, friendship, or relationship the person is giving you.

You may be confused and wondering why you keep pushing people away for probably no reason. I’ll be sharing with you some of the reasons why. One or two of these points may apply to you.

You must know why you keep pushing people away so that you make the necessary changes for this to stop. You don’t want to lose people because of this habit.

Here are some reasons why you have been consciously or unconsciously pushing people away.

1 Fear of Getting Hurt

This is the first reason why you may be pushing people away. You are afraid of getting intimate enough with someone and being vulnerable enough to be hurt by them.

People who push people away because of this reason see it as a defense mechanism and a way of protecting themselves from hurt.

Trauma from a past relationship or friendship that may have dealt with your self-esteem and self-worth may still be lying in your subconscious even when you think you have gotten over it.

This drives you to push people away or let go of them before they do that to you. But, do you have to live that way?

Pushing that person who wants to be your friend or partner away may seem like the most sensible thing to do right now, but you still feel hurt.

At the end of the day, you need the intimacy you try to push away even after you have succeeded in sabotaging whatever could have grown between you and that person.

2 Attachment problems

When a person could not have emotional support and closeness while growing up, he or she will grow up having problems with attaching him or herself to people.

A person who cannot attach themselves tends to look out for friendships or relationships they can easily walk out from when more closeness and intimacy are demanded.

Pushing people away is their method of preventing being let down by someone because it happened to them in their childhood by the people who should have offered emotional support.

Alternatively, people become too clingy which also ends up pushing people away. Being too clingy and avoiding attachment may make you lose people you cherish.

3 Lack of self-confidence

Another reason you may be pushing people away is low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence.

A person who suffers from both or any of these believes they don’t have what it takes to make the friendship or relationship work, or they believe they are undeserving of the person.

Different thoughts like not being good enough, the person leaving you for others, their feelings aren’t genuine, you don’t deserve them, they are supposed to be with people better than you, etc run through your mind which makes you act out in a way that ends up pushing people away.

People who have mental health issues, depression, anxiety, and physical or emotional sickness may think it is better to push people away because they lack what to offer their friend or partner. In most cases, this is untrue.

Recommended: How to become more confident.

4 Trust issues

Another reason you may be hesitant about people and why you keep pushing people away is because you have trust issues that may have developed from past relationships and which you didn’t deal with.

These trust issues emanate from past betrayals, being cheated on or lied to by someone you loved and trusted.

It is often advisable that you learn how to trust people again if not you will find it hard to trust people and let them in because your mind keeps telling you why that person isn’t sincere or will deceive you.

When it comes to trust, people often use the analogy of broken glass that no matter how it is fixed it can’t be the same. But, you must first try to fix it. Making the effort is necessary.

People who have trust issues tend to question the person who wants to develop a friendship or relationship with them. They doubt the motives, doubt what the person says, and ultimately make it hard for a healthy relationship to grow.

When a person who is reaching out sees that you cannot open up to them when they open up to you, they will feel it is one-sided and eventually leave.

5 Guilt

Something might have happened in the past which makes you keep pushing people away. You may have hurt someone who trusted or loved you, and you feel that you don’t deserve to be happy.

Past guilt when unattended festers into something bad and makes you believe that you have to keep pushing people away to make up for the past mistakes you did.

Having the mindset that you must pay for your past mistakes makes you act out in ways that destroy your present life and push the people who care for you away from your life.

Conquerors, you must learn to work and let go of your past guilt and accept people into your life.

Final thoughts

These are some of the reasons you may have been pushing people away from your life. Knowing why you have been doing that will help you work towards accepting people into your life.

You deserve to be surrounded by people you love, you cannot be an island, in the next post I’ll share with you ways you can overcome this.


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Ukeme-obong Chris

I'm Ukeme-obong Chris, a lifestyle content writer and a freelance writer. In my spare time, I love reading good fictional and inspirational books.  I am currently pursuing my law degree, and I am the brain behind IConquerdaily which posts motivational and lifestyle content and also offers writing services.

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