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8 Signs They Are Not The One

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Meeting someone new and falling in love is a great feeling that many are opportune to experience. Usually, the first six months to one year is the honeymoon phase when our minds may be clouded.

A year down the line, we may finally realize that the person we had thought is the person to spend forever with does not have what it takes.

Yes, loving someone is a decision that must be made daily, especially with the fact that there are options available for each of us, including our partners to choose from.

But, it is not usually advisable to hold on to someone for all the wrong reasons. There may also be signs for you to see that thinking of forever with that person will be a long shot.

How do you know that they are not the one for you? When is it time to let go? What are the confirmation that you will be wasting your time holding on to someone and something you shouldn’t?

This article will be sharing with you some signs that they are not the ones you should spend forever with.

1 You stifle yourself

Stifling yourself is usually the first sign that you cannot spend forever with that person. Your partner should be someone you are comfortable with. You don’t need to bend, repress and become who you are not for your partner.

Now, I’m not saying that there should not be room for personal development, nor am I saying that you shouldn’t make some concessions for your partner when necessary. 

But, repressing yourself, becoming who you are, just to be the perfect person for your partner is not worth it. What happens when years down the line you forget to keep stifling and it becomes a huge problem because your partner sees you as a pretender?

In a relationship, you should be comfortable enough to make jokes, express yourself, be handsome or beautiful, socialize with others, and generally be who you are.

2 Different views

I often tell people that no two individuals are the same, which makes it okay for people to have different views or perspectives about certain issues.

But, you and your partner should see eye to eye on certain things. If not, they are not the one for you to spend forever with.

When you commit to forever, you both need to sit and talk about certain things that will affect both of you in the future.

What is your view on marriage, finances, raising the child, religion, how to run the home? etc

Not agreeing on most of these important facets of your life will pose serious problems later on, and no matter how you may try to convince yourself, they are not the one for you if you sit them down, and talk things out but their opinion is still unbending.

3 Emotional unavailability

Your partner should be someone you can talk freely to when something goes wrong in your life, or when something goes right.

They are several couples who do not immediately think of each other when they are thinking of who to share good news or bad news.

A partner who is unavailable emotionally is not the one for you. They should be the rock for you when things are not going well. They should be the ones cheering for you when things go right.

Showing up for each other emotionally is what you and your partner should be able to do. There is a level of comfortability and assurance you should have with your partner that makes you feel okay to be vulnerable with them.

4 You love the idea of being in love

After the honeymoon phase passes, you may realize that you are in love with the idea of being in love or being in a relationship, and you should not pursue any long-term relationship with someone based on that.

It also happens that after your honeymoon phase you realize that what you had for that person was infatuation or attraction, and your relationship cannot be built on something so fickle.

You cannot will yourself into making someone the one for you when they are not the one. No matter how you may try to hold on, a time comes when they can no longer hold on to you also. So, it’s often better to move on quickly.

5 You are dependent on each other

I am among those who advocate that partners should have their individual lives for them to be able to share their lives with their partners.

You will realize that someone is not the one for you when they are dependent on you in more ways than you may like.

Yes, there should be a level of dependency, shared hobby, wanting to see you. But, they should also have their independent lives, and be people who can stand on their own without you.

I’m not saying your partner should not be vulnerable to you. Neither am I saying that you both should not have shared hobbies or areas of interest. Just try to stand strong on your own as an individual so that you love your partner rightly.

6 There is no trust

A relationship works on the wheel of trust and respect. Love will not be enough in a relationship where both parties lack trust and respect for each other.

Lacking trust in your partner, and lacking the willingness to build it clearly shows that your partner is not the one for you because, even when you lack trust, you should be willing to build it 

7 You want to change them

Certain things draw us to our partners. It could be the way they care for us, how attentive they are, how they place us first, their dress sense, etc.

When these things that drew you to your partner begin to repel you, or the little things that didn’t irritate you begin to do so, then maybe the honeymoon phase has worn off, and you know within you that they are not the one for you.

It is undisputed that people are different. So, even when your partner has attitudes or behaviors that are different from theirs, you should be able to accept them as they are, or better still respect them.

8 You don’t think of a future with them

Your partner is not the one for you when you can’t think or imagine the future with them after being together for months.

A person that is the one for you is someone you catch yourself imagining what forever will look like together, how you both will grow old together, etc.


These are some things you should watch out for conquerors. These are deal-breakers in relationships, and no matter how you may try to make it seem otherwise, it may still cause a breakup in the future.

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Ukeme-obong Chris

I'm Ukeme-obong Chris, a lifestyle content writer and a freelance writer. In my spare time, I love reading good fictional and inspirational books.  I am currently pursuing my law degree, and I am the brain behind IConquerdaily which posts motivational and lifestyle content and also offers writing services.

This Post Has 2 Comments

  1. Harmony

    I really learnt from this
    Keep it up

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