Pleasing people is what comes naturally to most of us. It is just in our nature to be nice to others. But, we need to stop people pleasing.
I think it is draining for a person to constantly keep shut about how they genuinely feel and accept more responsibilities when they are already choked because they are more concerned about how people feel.
As much as we have to please people or be nice, there are times the curtain needs to be drawn. You are a human being first before you have to play any role for someone.
So, how do you stop people pleasing while living as a happier and better version of yourself?
1 Be true to yourself
I have seen people agreeing to specific ideas they inwardly don’t to keep the peace. I’ve watched people accept responsibilities they whine about because they feared saying no.
I have constantly seen people do something or act a certain way because they fear making someone else feel bad. This isn’t good.
In doing these, they tend to suppress their true selves. Act as a different person than who they are. Beat themselves up for not doing what they do.
You must learn to be your true self if you want to stop people pleasing. Don’t be afraid and apologetic about doing or saying what you want.
2 Learn to say no
One attribute of a people pleaser always stands out is their inability to say no. Inwardly they will scream no loudly, and outwardly they will say yes and smile while at it.
Saying no when you have been accustomed to saying yes can be difficult because you don’t want to displease.
You should know that turning down things doesn’t make you the wrong person. It shows you value yourself and know how to love yourself.
People will exploit your inability to say no. They will constantly push more responsibilities on you even when they know you are choked. Saying no will curtail these.
3 Set boundaries
“What are my boundaries?” Have you ever sat and asked yourself that question? What are the things you don’t accept anyone doing or saying to you?
Setting healthy boundaries is an act of self-love, but it also helps you to stop people pleasing. When you know your boundaries, you know when to say no.
Having boundaries also helps you to put yourself first when it is necessary and not feel bad about it. It would help if you always remembered that you are a human being first.
Any activity or thing that makes you feel used should be considered carefully or eliminated by placing boundaries. I know you must not necessarily benefit from every task you do. But, constantly feeling used needs to be considered seriously.
4 Don’t make excuses
I have seen people lie or make up excuses because they are afraid of saying what they want to say. They also don’t want to seem blunt.
Sometimes you must be blunt about how you feel, what you want, what you won’t accept, etc., before people pick up on it.
Instead of lying to that friend that you are sick and that is why you can’t come to the movies. Honestly, tell them that you hate the movie you guys will be seeing, and that’s why you prefer the comfort of your home.
Sometimes, when you stop giving excuses, and you are honest about how you feel or what you want, the people in your life will respect you for it.
5 Prioritize yourself
Prioritizing yourself helps you stop people pleasing to a large extent. You are aware of who you are, what you are worth, and your plans and you know you can’t continue giving more than you can.
Some people find it hard to love themselves, and this makes it difficult for them to place themselves as priorities. They allow people to take undue advantage of their kindness or generosity.
Have a plan for yourself and work towards it. It will help you turn down people who need to be turned down. It will also help you focus on what is essential.
6 It is impossible to please everyone
First, remembering and knowing that you can’t please everyone helps you to stop people pleasing.
While doing things to please one person, another is displeased that you are not doing the same things for them. You can’t divide yourself into several parts.
Be aware that you can only do as much as you can for people at a particular time. Refuse to do things you are uncomfortable with, especially if it is wrong, just because you want someone else to be happy.
7 Ask for help
Most people pleasers have gotten used to being the ones in their family, circle of friends, and colleagues turn to when they need help.
These people are always the ones who will accept more work, get drained or burned out, and won’t ask for help. The surprising thing is that people are willing to help if only they can ask.
Asking people for help when you have been accustomed to pulling the weight takes practice. Some even believe they don’t deserve help which is a lie.
You can ask those in your life to help you out when you need it. It doesn’t stop you from being the awesome person you want everyone to see you as.
8 Take some time off
If you can afford it, take some time off and do things for yourself. In those moments, get to know yourself better, meditate and look closely at your life.
People pleasers find themselves feeling guilty that they are taking time off. They think they should always be available and reachable to everyone.
This is why prioritizing yourself is vital. Try not to feel guilty and decide where you need to be better for you to stop people pleasing.
For a person to stop people pleasing, it needs effort, time, and patience because it can be difficult at first.
But, knowing that you have a terrible habit or cycle, you need to break out from is a great starting point. Start today and see the difference you’ll make in the following weeks, months, or years.