After recognizing why you keep pushing people away, you must stop doing that especially if you want to build something worthwhile.
The strategies I am sharing with you are some of the ways you can stop pushing people away.
1 View it as a process
Don’t be tempted to rush intimacy in a bid to bond with your new partner or friend.
But, because of the past hurts or heartbreaks you encountered, it will only end up backfiring.
When it seems like the intimacy you were expecting isn’t forthcoming as you expected, you resort to pushing that person away which is what you have to overcome.
Conquerors view learning to trust people and not push them away as a process that takes time.
It may not happen as quickly as you expect it to. It also doesn’t mean that it will never happen.
You can start by learning to know that person more, reminding yourself why you like that person, and reminding yourself why you want that person in your life. Don’t try to force intimacy or a bond that isn’t there.
A relationship thrives solely on communication. Your partner is not a mind reader, and he or she needs to know what is going on in your head.
It helps to talk to your partner or friend about why you find yourself pushing people away, share with them your fear of building something solid, and talk about the past hurt or betrayal that makes you hesitant.
When you talk to them about these, it makes it easier for them to understand where you are coming from and why you find it hard to express yourself or be open to them about stuff.
Being aware also makes them understand and helps you work on it today. It also makes you feel better that you are not alone.
3 Learn balance
When it comes to relationships, learning how to balance is necessary. You don’t want to come off as clingy, not respecting your partner’s boundary, or needy.
Also, you don’t want to act as though you don’t value your partner, you don’t care or you don’t need your partner which may push them away from you.
It is imperative you know how to share information with your partner.
You shouldn’t act as if you are divulging everything about your life to him or her, neither must you act nor give the impression that you are keeping things away from your partner.
Also, you must strike a balance so that you don’t keep pushing people, especially your partner when all you want is to keep them in your life.
4 Practice self-love
Realizing that you have been pushing people away is often the first step in working on your issues, and you have done that. So, be kind to yourself.
You don’t need to constantly beat yourself up over those people you pushed away previously because you weren’t away.
As long as you are putting in the work to change and accept good people into your life, you are doing well.
Not pushing people away doesn’t mean you should accept just anybody into your life.
It also doesn’t mean you shouldn’t speak out when your partner offends you or your friend hurts your feelings because you don’t want to push them away.
Learn to communicate better and believe that when you speak up they will understand. Learn to love yourself enough to know you deserve good people in your life and to be treated well.
5. Talk to a professional
There is no wrong in talking to a therapist who is licensed and can help you get over the problem of pushing people away.
These therapists have the knowledge required to deal with this issue and they will be able to point you in the right direction and help you make necessary changes.
Therapists can also offer you the support you need to work through this problem and at the same time monitor your progress. So, reach out to a therapist for help.
6 Be honest
You may be pushing people away because you feel or see yourself comparing yourself to them, you are jealous or you don’t want to hang around them anymore.
Being honest about the reason for your behavior helps you make the needed changes. If they were good to you and you still want to connect with them, you can reach out.
You must be honest with them about how you feel and why you pushed them away. Saying it true even when you may feel vulnerable is what you need to do.
If they understand why and they still value what you both shared they will come back.
7 Make an effort
Imagine you keep texting or sending invitations to someone to meet up and they refuse. What will you do? You will stop, right?
If the person or people you have unconsciously pushed away realizes they are the ones always texting ng, calling, and sending invitations only to be turned down, they will stop.
To break your pattern of pushing people away you need to make the effort to call them back, send a message first, accept an invitation to see if you have the time, etc.
Everyone loves to be treated as special, so you must put in the effort that will make the people in your life feel special.
8 Stop pretending
You may be pushing people away because you have been pretending.
No one likes someone who constantly pretends that everything is alright when it is not, who pretends not to be angry when he or she is angry, someone who can’t be vulnerable, and someone who takes everything in even when he or she is hurt.
Try to be real as much as you can with the people in your life. Stop pretending. Be you.
Pushing people away may seem like a norm for you but in the long run, it isn’t good.
You deserve happiness, you deserve to have people in your life. So, take steps in the right direction.